How Do You Cope?

Here I am thirty-seven years old, and silly me thought I could cope with anything that came my way. I listened to the lessons I was taught growing up, and I even learned from others’ mistakes. Yep, in my arrogance I thought I was ready.

Then my mother calls and tells me Grandma isn’t doing so well. Logically, I understand about death. I know she can’t live forever. But logic doesn’t comfort me and the family. It doesn’t relieve her pain. It doesn’t absorb my mother’s tears.

The family has gathered to be with Grandma. I thank God our family is so tight. We are not mourning her. She is still with us and will always be, in a way. But it is still hard. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to not be able to pick up the phone and tell Grandma my great and not so great moments.

Every Mother’s Day my sister and I redo her flower garden. We spend hours shopping, buying way to many flowers to fit, and planting them ourselves. Grandma brags to everyone in city about what her grandbabies do for her like we put professionals to shame.

Who will make the homemade applie pie. I'm talking the best crust ever made. Grandma tried to teach me, but my attempts turned out harder than bullet proof vest.

I try to take my mind off the inevitable by working, emailing, anything but facing reality, but it isn’t working. Simply put, I want my grandma to live forever. But then I see the pain she is in, and I pray God ends her suffering—whether that end means a miracle that eliminates the cancer or him calling her home.

I know the author of When Death Comes A Knockin’, Vanessa Johnson (http://www.lulu.com/vanessaajohnson). Fabulous book I recommend to everyone. In it she explains about people who were close to her that have passed, how these deaths affected her, and how she eventually coped. I’m not trying to be funny, but I need a prequel. What do you do when you know your loved one will die? How do you cope, but still be there for your family and the one who is ill?

Much Joy, Peace, and Love
Deatri